Men over 40 laughing and chatting together

Why Men Who Maintain Friendships After 40 Live Longer

Written by: Andrés Suro

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Time to read 6 min

When we’re young, we think of friendship as something spontaneous and easy to maintain. But as the years go by, responsibilities, family, and work begin to take center stage in our lives, and many of the friendships we once considered essential become peripheral. This is especially true for men: many reach their 40s with a reduced social circle and a schedule that leaves little room for nurturing friendships.


However, science is clear: men who maintain strong friendships live longer, feel happier, and enjoy better mental and physical health (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).


Regardless of age, nurturing and strengthening friendships is an investment in long-term well-being. Emotional bonds help us manage stress, feel supported, and stay connected to our most authentic selves. At a stage of life when routine can seem all-encompassing, friends serve as reminders of who we are beyond our obligations.

1. Male Social Isolation: A Silent Reality


It might seem like an exaggeration to talk about “loneliness” in men over 40, but that’s precisely because it remains a taboo topic. Most men grow up under cultural expectations that reward self-sufficiency, control, and competitiveness, leaving little room for vulnerability or affection between men.


In fact, many men mistake independence for disconnection. But the lack of close relationships affects not only one’s mood, but also the body. Chronic loneliness has been linked to a higher risk of cardiovascular disease, cognitive decline, and premature death (Cacioppo & Cacioppo, 2018).


The problem is that isolation rarely happens all at once. It creeps in gradually: a friend moves away, another has children, a job consumes all your time… until one day, without realizing it, months have gone by without a deep conversation with someone you care about.


Breaking this pattern means acknowledging that friendship, like any other important relationship, requires active care. Sure, you may not have as much time as you’d like to devote to your friends, but it doesn’t require major effort. Sometimes, small gestures are enough.

2. Friendship as a Key Factor in Health and Longevity


This is not just a figure of speech: having good friends can literally extend your life. A meta-analysis from Brigham Young University, which reviewed data from more than 300,000 people, concluded that those who maintained meaningful social relationships were 50% more likely to live longer than those with weak or nonexistent social ties (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).


The reasons are many, but three stand out:


  • Stress reduction: Positive social interactions (such as a relaxed get-together with friends) trigger the release of oxytocin, a hormone that lowers blood pressure and reduces anxiety.

  • Emotional support: Sharing worries with someone you trust helps prevent rumination and protects against depression. Yes, venting to your friends is good for your mental health.

  • Behavioral motivation: Friends can naturally encourage healthier habits—exercising, eating better, cutting down on alcohol or tobacco—although, of course, this depends on the company you keep.

In short, friendship acts like an “emotional immune system.” It makes us more resilient in the face of adversity and helps us maintain perspective when dealing with the challenges of adult life.

3. Why Friendships Between Men Change After 40


In your 20s or 30s, friendships usually revolve around fun, shared interests, and common experiences. But over time, those relationships evolve: they stop being about quantity and start being about quality.


After 40, men tend to seek more authentic friendships less based on competition and more on emotional connection. However, many face an added challenge: they were never taught how to talk about emotions with other men.


This communication barrier often creates a sense of distance, even among lifelong friends. That’s why, to relearn how to connect, it’s essential to open up to our friends with honesty and vulnerability: sharing worries, talking about how we truly feel, and not limiting conversations to football, work, or the news.


Contrary to what many might believe, practicing vulnerability—that “how are you, really?”—doesn’t make you weak or fragile. Instead, it strengthens bonds and opens the door for your friends and family to be more open and genuine with you in return.

4. The Friendship as an Antidote to Male Stress


Stress (especially in middle age) has become a constant companion for most adults. But for men, it’s often a silent one. Between work, family, and financial responsibilities, both body and mind live in a constant state of alert.


Close, intimate friendships help counteract that effect. Recent studies show that spending time with friends reduces levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, and improves resilience in the face of difficult events (Pressman et al., 2019).


Having a friend you can talk to without feeling judged is one of the most powerful forms of self-care. It’s not about solving each other’s problems, but about feeling seen and understood. That mutual support acts as an emotional buffer that protects mental health. Often, when a friend shares a problem, they’re not looking for a solution but just emotional support.


Moreover, friendship fosters humor and the ability to enjoy the present: two factors that have a direct impact on emotional regulation and overall well-being.

5. How to Strengthen Your Friendships After 40


If you feel that your friendships have cooled over time, you’re not alone. The good news is that it’s never too late to rebuild them or to make new ones. Here are a few simple steps you can take to start:


1. Reconnect. A simple message or phone call can open the door to a deeper conversation. Often, the other person is also waiting for that moment but hasn’t dared to reach out for fear of being awkward or intrusive.

2. Plan face-to-face meetups. Staying in touch digitally isn’t enough. Physical, in-person meetings create a stronger and longer-lasting emotional connection.

3. Build social routines. Just as you make time for exercise or rest, set aside space in your schedule to spend with friends. Consistency strengthens bonds. You don’t have to see each other every week, but creating some regularity matters.

4. Find shared spaces. From sports clubs to book groups, volunteer work, or cultural activities. Look for opportunities to meet people with similar interests.

5. Learn to express emotions. Talking about how you feel doesn’t make you weaker. It makes you more human, and above all, more approachable. If you struggle with emotional expression, consider seeking help from a professional to develop your emotional intelligence.


In the end, maintaining strong friendships isn’t a matter of luck, it’s a matter of mutual commitment. And that commitment starts with you.

6. Taking Care of Your Mind and Body is Taking Care of Your Relationships


Health isn’t measured only in cholesterol numbers or miles run. It’s also reflected in how you feel with the people around you. Nurturing your relationships is nurturing your mind, and ultimately, your body.


From a psychological standpoint, men who maintain active social networks show fewer symptoms of anxiety, depression, and chronic fatigue (Umberson & Montez, 2010). Moreover, those who feel emotionally supported tend to sleep better and maintain more balanced habits.


That’s why talking about men’s well-being isn’t just about exercise, rest, or nutrition—it’s also about human connection. In an increasingly digital world, real bonds remain one of the most powerful protectors against distress.

Conclusion


Reaching your 40s doesn’t mean your social life is over or stagnant; on the contrary, it’s the perfect time to give it new meaning. Mature friendships aren’t built out of obligation, but from the choice to share time, experiences, and emotions.


Taking care of your friends isn’t a luxury, it’s an investment in your long-term health. Because, as science shows, men who maintain friendships after 40 don’t just live longer… they live better.


References


Cacioppo, J. T., & Cacioppo, S. (2018). The growing problem of loneliness. Lancet (London, England)391(10119), 426.  https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(18)30142-9 

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: a meta-analytic review. PLoS medicine7(7), e1000316.  https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316 

Pressman, S. D., Jenkins, B. N., & Moskowitz, J. T. (2019). Positive Affect and Health: What Do We Know and Where Next Should We Go?. Annual review of psychology70, 627–650.  https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-010418-102955 

Umberson, D., & Montez, J. K. (2010). Social relationships and health: a flashpoint for health policy. Journal of health and social behavior51 Suppl(Suppl), S54–S66. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022146510383501 

Andrés Suro

Author: Andrés Suro  (Sexual Coach at MYHIXEL)


Psychologist specialized in the social area and expert in sexology applied to education.

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