The fear of sexual failure: How worries worsen problems in bed

On World Mental Health Day, we must remember that our well-being isn't limited to just physical health; often, we overlook mental and sexual health . Achieving balance between all these aspects allows all areas of our lives to thrive, and that includes our sexuality, even if it sometimes feels like a secondary concern.

Worries, stress, and anxiety not only affect our minds but also directly interfere with our ability to enjoy a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship. While it may seem like something that happens occasionally , for many men, these concerns manifest as sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation , erectile dysfunction , or sudden loss of erection.

Even though many may not think it's necessary, paying attention to our emotions is essential for overcoming performance issues in the bedroom. Sexual anxiety , in particular, is closely tied to our ability to fully enjoy intimacy.

Furthermore, when we consider the influence of factors such as social expectations, gender roles, and exposure to pornography, we have the foundation to untangle those concerns which, if left unaddressed, can worsen problems in bed. But most importantly, recognizing that these problems do not define us is the first step toward fully enjoying our intimate lives. With that said, what exactly is sexual anxiety?

Why do I have performance anxiety in bed?

Performance anxiety is a type of anticipatory anxiety that affects many men, and it often stems from the psychological pressure they feel. Men are frequently expected to always "perform" in bed, to be the ones responsible for their partner's pleasure, and to never fall short. This emotional burden can create a mental overload that, ironically, has the opposite effect: it causes intimacy issues. Ever experienced a sudden loss of erection ? That might be due to anticipatory anxiety.

Porn also plays a significant role in shaping these unrealistic expectations. Pornographic content is filled with scenes that don’t reflect real sexual experiences, causing many men to feel insecure or inadequate when they can’t live up to those impossible standards. These intrusive thoughts can spiral into a cycle of anxiety that affects not just sexual performance, but also self-esteem.

How to overcome sexual anxiety

As mentioned earlier, sexual anxiety often stems from psychological stress and unrealistic expectations, and overcoming it requires making mental health a priority. Here are three simple steps to help:

1. Redefine Expectations : The key to overcoming sexual anxiety is to challenge those unrealistic expectations about what you "should" achieve in bed. Don’t view sexual encounters as a performance or a test of endurance. Focus more on connection and enjoyment for both, rather than trying to be perfect or perform at a certain level.

2. Practice Self-Acceptance : Excessive self-criticism is a major obstacle to satisfaction. Learning to accept that not everything will be perfect, and that it’s okay to experience occasional difficulties, helps relieve tension and makes intimacy feel more spontaneous.

3. Communicate with Your Partner : It's not just about sharing your feelings and concerns, it’s also important to have mutual understanding. Open communication strengthens the relationship and removes the pressure to always "perform."

Managing sexual frustration

When sexual problems keep happening, it’s easy to feel frustrated or even embarrassed. However, the key is to approach this frustration without being too hard on yourself. The first step is to normalize the experience . Everyone faces challenges in bed at some point, and recognizing this can help relieve some of that frustration.

Next, shift your focus . Instead of getting caught up in performance, focus on enjoying the experience. Pleasure isn't about how long or intense an erection is, it’s about the quality of the connection you share with your partner.

You might also benefit from some tools at this point. There are innovative solutions, like  MYHIXEL Control  , designed to help you regain control over ejaculation and boost your sexual confidence. Introducing tools like these into your sex life can improve the quality of your experiences and enhance communication with your partner.

We also need to get more comfortable with talking honestly about our concerns, both in and out of the bedroom. In fact, one way to improve communication and strengthen your relationship is by being a little “selfish”.

Practice sexual selfishness

Fully enjoying our sexuality starts with knowing ourselves and being able to express our desires openly . "Sexual selfishness" might sound contradictory, but it’s actually a powerful tool to improve intimacy with your partner. Being selfish (in a positive way) means being honest about what you like, what turns you on, and what you need to feel pleasure. Only we know for sure what we enjoy , and communicating it clearly is the only way for our partner to understand it too.

But it doesn’t stop there. By sharing your desires and preferences, you’re not just looking after your own satisfaction, but also creating an environment of trust and closeness . This kind of communication helps both partners feel more understood and in tune, building a space where both people’s pleasure is equally important. Practicing sexual selfishness isn’t about being inconsiderate, it’s about caring for yourself and your relationship. The clearer we are about our needs, the easier it is for our partner to understand us , leading to a more fulfilling sexual experience for both.

For many men, embracing this kind of selfishness is the first step in taking control of their own pleasure. However, sometimes it’s not enough to fully manage control over erections.

How to relax your mind for a better erection

The mind and body are deeply connected, and sexual issues often have a strong psychological component. Relaxing your mind is key to enjoying sex more , and it can also positively impact physical performance, including the ability to maintain an erection. Here are three approaches to help with this (and you can combine them):

1. Mindfulness and Meditation : These techniques help calm the mind and reduce anxiety. They require some practice, but once you've learned them, practicing mindfulness during sex, for example, allows you to focus on the present moment, on sensations, and on the connection with your partner, which often enhances sexual response.

2. Managing Everyday Stress : Accumulated stress often leads to dysfunctions. Just like you can train with meditation techniques, you can also develop habits that promote relaxation and reduce daily anxiety. Some men find staying physically active helpful, while others benefit from activities that help them unwind, like cooking or reading.

3. Therapy : If the issues persist, therapy is the best option to tackle negative thoughts and beliefs that may be fueling sexual

Conclusion

On this World Mental Health Day, remember that taking care of your overall health —physical, psychological, emotional, and sexual—is essential to fully enjoy your sexuality. Worries, stress, and unrealistic expectations are obstacles that we can overcome by focusing on our mental well-being. By addressing the psychological causes of sexual anxiety, you can rediscover pleasure and intimacy without the burden of external pressures.

Don't forget the importance of communication, practicing relaxation techniques and mindfulness, and using tools like  MYHIXEL Control  as some steps you can take to regain confidence in yourself and your sexuality. Mental health matters , even in the bedroom, and taking care of it will allow you to enjoy a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual life.