Back to (Sexual) School: What We Should Relearn About Sexuality

Let’s start with a basic question that has a more than clear answer: Did you receive sex education during your development? Well, despite what many people might think, there’s an idea we all end up facing sooner or later: many of the things we believe we know about sexuality are actually myths, incomplete lessons, or inherited messages that got stuck with us since adolescence.

This is partly because most of us never went through any kind of real “sexual school,” beyond a couple of biology talks in high school (and, if we were lucky, the occasional piece of advice at home ).

The result: we grow up with gaps, prejudices, and distorted beliefs about something as essential as our sex lives. That’s why more and more experts are talking about the need to go back to “school”. But this time, a school for adult sexuality , where we can relearn, question, and expand what we know.

The thing is, that option isn’t available for many people who, caught up in the chaos of daily life, simply can’t afford to carve out quality time for sex education. That’s why I’m offering a quick and concise review of the subjects we most need to revisit . Think of this as a new kind of class… but way more interesting than the ones you had in high school.

1. Basic Education: The Body Changes, and So Does Pleasure

The first big lesson: our body is not static . It changes with age, lifestyle, stress, diet, mental health… and, of course, with experience. What worked at 20 might not work the same at 35, and what we discover at 40 could be an entirely new world.

That’s why, from this online "sexual school" we’re inviting you to, we encourage you to embrace this idea: pleasure isn’t a fixed formula, it’s something that evolves with you . Many people feel frustrated because they no longer enjoy things the way they used to, or because their body responds differently. But that doesn’t mean “losing” your sexuality. It means opening up new paths of exploration.

2. Language and Communication: Talking About Sex

If school taught us how to conjugate verbs, here it’s time to learn how to conjugate desires. And although it might sound basic, communication is probably the most overlooked subject in sex education. How many of you feel like you can talk openly and without fear about what you like and don’t like in and out of bed?

Talking about what turns us on, what doesn’t, what we want to try, or what makes us uncomfortable is still a taboo in many relationships. And the curious thing is, the more silence there is, the more misunderstandings tend to pile up.

In this hypothetical new school of sexuality I’m proposing, the goal isn’t just to know how to name things (lubrication, erection, orgasm), but to dare to give voice to emotions and needs:

• Saying without fear, “I need more caresses before…”

• Expressing “this makes me uncomfortable” without feeling like you're ruining the moment

• Asking your partner “what would you like to try?”
  
  

In other words: learning to use language as an aphrodisiac. 

3. History: Questioning Inherited Myths

Just like in any good history class, it’s time to look back in order to understand why we think the way we do . Many of our current hang-ups are rooted in inherited myths:

• “Sex equals penetration” or “sex without penetration isn’t real sex.”

• “Male orgasm is always quick and automatic.”

• “Desire should be constant.”

• “Masturbating too much is bad.”

In this case, I invite you to revisit those beliefs, break them down, and update them. Because just like we now know the Earth isn’t flat, it’s also time to understand that sex doesn’t follow a single, fixed script . How many of these myths have you unlearned over time? And how many are you still unsure about?

If school taught us how to conjugate verbs, here it’s time to learn how to conjugate desires. And although it might sound basic, communication is probably the most overlooked subject in sex education. How many of you feel like you can talk openly and without fear about what you like and don’t like in and out of bed?

Talking about what turns us on, what doesn’t, what we want to try, or what makes us uncomfortable is still a taboo in many relationships. And the curious thing is, the more silence there is, the more misunderstandings tend to pile up.

In this hypothetical new school of sexuality I’m proposing, the goal isn’t just to know how to name things (lubrication, erection, orgasm), but to dare to give voice to emotions and needs:

• Saying without fear, “I need more caresses before…”

• Expressing “this makes me uncomfortable” without feeling like you're ruining the moment

• Asking your partner “what would you like to try?”
  
  

In other words: learning to use language as an aphrodisiac.

4. Science: The Biology of Pleasure

Here’s where we get a bit technical, but don’t worry, no exams involved. Because understanding how your body (and your partner’s) works can radically change your sexual experience . For example:

• Knowing how the nervous system responds to stress helps explain why anxiety can sometimes “shut down” arousal .

• Understanding the importance of the pelvic floor can help improve both  control  and the intensity of sensations .

• Exploring how hormones (testosterone, oxytocin, dopamine) influence desire gives you insight into your own cycles.
  
  

Biology isn’t a “closed instruction manual,” but it is a compass to help you listen to your body with greater awareness . What does your inner dialogue sound like?

Although seasonal changes do affect testosterone levels and sexual desire, there are also other ways to enhance and improve these effects:

1. Make the most of sunlight : Although it may sound obvious, many of us go from home to the office and back again in our daily routines. Spending at least 30 minutes outdoors each day helps increase vitamin D levels, thereby boosting testosterone production.
   
   

2. Maintain a balanced diet : Here are two key points: first, consume foods rich in zinc (like oysters, red meat, and nuts); second, eat healthy fats (such as avocados and olive oil). These types of foods support the production of sex hormones.
   
   

3. Exercise regularly : If you're one of those who dislikes physical activity, I have some bad news for you: strength training, in particular, has been associated with an increase in testosterone levels and improved erectile function. So, it's time to get moving!
   
   

4. Reduce stress : The hormone cortisol is released during times of stress, and it's related to decreased testosterone production. I know "reduce your stress" sounds easy, but practicing it is another story. That's why I recommend dedicating time each week to sports or activities like yoga, meditation, and deep breathing, which can help balance these hormones that are so crucial to your libido.

5. Gym Class: Pleasure in Motion

Most people think of sex as a static activity that requires little effort, when in reality, it’s pure physical education. Flexibility, strength, endurance, coordination… it all plays a role. In fact, the fitter you are, the more variety and intensity you can bring to your sexual experiences.

But sexual relationships aren’t about “performance” like in a marathon, they’re about understanding how the body can move in different ways to achieve both pleasure and comfort. Even regular exercise (not just sex itself) can enhance your intimate life : more energy, better circulation, deeper connection with your breath…

In this hypothetical subject of our sexual school, practices like  mindful sex  are included, where movement is combined with mindfulness, as well as breathing exercises that help manage arousal.

6. Visual Arts: Erotic Creativity

If we used modeling clay in school, here we make use of our imagination — because sexuality isn’t a fixed mold, but a constantly blank canvas.

Relearning also means making space for fantasy, play, and symbolism . From a simple change in routine (new settings, rhythms, roles) to more artistic exploration (music, lighting, costumes).

The important thing to remember is that erotic creativity isn’t immaturity, it’s innovation . In fact, many long-term couples find that this “subject” is the key to keeping the spark alive .

7. Psychology: Desire, Self-Esteem, and Connection

Sexuality doesn’t just live in the body, but also lives in the mind. Learning about our sexuality also means understanding how emotions, self-esteem, and attachment affect desire . What do I mean by that?

• Low self-esteem can sabotage your ability to enjoy intimacy.

• Fear of rejection is a common factor behind blocked erections or lack of lubrication.

• Performance anxiety often turns sex into a test you feel you have to pass, rather than a playful experience to enjoy.
  
  

So, relearning here means looking inward and working on the relationship you have with yourself just as much as the one you have with others.

8. Emotional Education: Unlearning Guilt

Perhaps the most difficult subject of all is freeing ourselves from guilt. Yes, guilt. Because many people carry years of moral judgment, shame, or self-imposed pressure (the latter being especially common among men). And those ghosts show up in bed as inhibitions, blockages, or silence.

That’s why it’s so important to set the goal of experiencing pleasure as something legitimate, healthy, and natural . Not an obligation, not a sin, and not a luxury. It’s an essential part of reaching true fulfillment in our intimate experiences.

9. Self-Care Workshop: Your Body as an Ally

It’s not just about knowing “what to do with someone else” — it starts with yourself. Intimate self-care should be a mandatory subject.

What do we mean by self-care? It means maintaining hygiene that suits your needs , going for regular medical check-ups, dedicating time to personal exploration (regardless of age), getting to know quality lubricants , practicing safe sex… All of these are health tools, not indulgences. Because in the end, taking care of your body is also taking care of your sexual well-being.

10. Final Exams: Unlearning to Relearn

The metaphor of going back to school doesn’t mean starting from scratch. It means giving your sex education a second chance . Relearning, updating yourself, daring to question, and most of all, making space for pleasure as an integral part of your life.

After all, no one asked us to graduate with honors in adolescence. But as adults, we have the opportunity to sign up for this long-overdue subject and experience our sexuality with more freedom, awareness, and authenticity.

Conclusion

Going back to school to learn about sexuality isn’t a step backward: it’s growth. Sexuality is one of the few areas in life where there’s always something new to learn . And perhaps, in doing so, we’ll discover that true graduation lies in feeling fulfilled, secure, and connected — with ourselves and with those we share our intimacy with. And you, what would you like to learn again?