Pregnancy and Sexual Relationships: Where Does Desire Go?

According to the WHO (2019), sexuality is a central aspect of being human that is present throughout our lives. It doesn’t only involve sex, but also identity, pleasure, intimacy… and reproduction. Just because these aspects are present doesn’t mean they are always lived or expressed.

For this reason, we want to bring the topic of sexual desire during and after pregnancy down to earth, to understand how it works, the changes it undergoes, and how we can stay emotionally and physically present when our partner is pregnant.

During pregnancy and after childbirth, the pregnant person undergoes many changes — hormonal, physical, emotional, and let's not forget, sexual. As a result, sexual desire and the frequency of sexual activity often change, partly due to persistent myths about how pregnancy affects these aspects (Peña & Blanco, 2016).

How Does Sexual Desire Work During Pregnancy?

The first thing we need to understand is that sexual desire (whether someone is pregnant or not) fluctuates. It's not fixed, and it varies from person to person. However, according to Fernández-Carrasco et al. (2024), sexual desire tends to change depending on the trimester of pregnancy the pregnant person is in.

It’s not just the desire to have sex that changes. Body image is also affected, and fears may arise related to miscarriage, fetal injury, premature birth, and so on. All of this impacts a woman's sexual response and also her relationship with her partner (Calva & Álvarez, 2021). Let’s take a look at how it works in each trimester:

• In the first trimester , libido usually decreases, and if you think about it, it makes sense: the woman begins experiencing early pregnancy symptoms such as nausea and vomiting, leading to a decline in overall well-being.
  
  
• In the second trimester , sexual activity tends to increase as those initial physical symptoms begin to subside.
  
  
• In the third trimester , there is typically another drop in libido, and you might wonder, again? Yes. The pregnant person experiences more noticeable physical changes, may feel pain during penetration, and concerns about the baby’s health become more prominent during this stage (Fernández-Carrasco et al., 2024).

Is This Only About the Pregnant Person?

The partner of the pregnant person, even though they are not the one carrying the pregnancy, can also experience psychological (and even physical) changes. They may have symptoms such as nausea, dizziness, abdominal pain, changes in appetite, and even a decrease in sexual desire.

This can be especially difficult to understand when the partner is a man, due to the biological differences between male and female bodies. However, physical symptoms aren’t necessary for a drop in sexual desire to occur. For example, men can also experience fears, such as hurting the woman or the fetus during sex, or even feelings of guilt, worrying that sexual activity might negatively affect the pregnancy (Fernández-Carrasco et al., 2024).

And What Happens After Pregnancy?

Usually, the couple is counting down the days until the first 40 days after childbirth have passed and they get the green light to resume sexual activity. But we often forget that the pregnant woman may not feel ready and might agree to have sex out of fear, such as the fear of feeling replaced.

This stage is similar to the first and third trimesters of pregnancy: sexual desire tends to be low because physical recovery after childbirth is no easy task. On top of that, there’s the emotional component, which can feel like a ticking time bomb.

You might be wondering, so when do couples start having sex again? Keep reading, and I’ll explain what you can do with your partner and how to reconnect and reclaim those much-desired intimate moments.

What Can I Do to Support My Partner?

Every couple is unique, with different bodily changes, different fears… But one thing is clear, and something we all appreciate: being listened to and supported when we need it.

To provide full and meaningful support, the partner should deeply understand what the other person wants, explore their emotions, share their own feelings, and build a foundation of open communication. This allows for a healthy exchange of thoughts that helps both individuals navigate pregnancy and the postpartum period in the best way possible (Leahy-Warren et al., 2022).

Being an active parent requires significant support from your partner. It’s not just about focusing on the woman. Studies like the one by Premberg et al. (2008) confirm that a strong partner relationship is a key source of support for new parents.

Why Is the Role of the Man So Important During Pregnancy?

According to De Andrade Alvarenga et al. (2024), a father’s involvement can even reduce the anxiety levels of the pregnant person by providing support and care, as we mentioned earlier. And the benefits don’t stop there—each stage of fatherhood becomes more meaningful. Labor and delivery can be safer, more exciting, and more participatory, allowing the father to build an even stronger emotional bond with both the baby and the woman.

Are There Best Positions for Sex During Pregnancy?

There isn’t a Kama Sutra-style list of positions specifically for sex during pregnancy, but I can share a few tips that, according to embryologist Andrea Rodrigo (2024), may help you enjoy sex more during this stage.

First, the most important thing is to find positions that feel comfortable for both of you and to acknowledge that there’s a new reality, new rhythms, new forms... It’s important to avoid putting pressure on the woman’s abdomen, and especially in later stages of pregnancy, avoid positions where the woman is lying flat on her back, as this can compress blood vessels. Beyond that, just focus on feeling good and enjoying the experience.

New Forms of Sex?

What if none of the positions feel comfortable? Then take the opportunity to try and enjoy things you already know, but maybe haven’t taken time to explore. Focus on erotic touch that isn’t centered on the genitals, mutual masturbation, oral sex, massages… Use your imagination to explore your sexuality.

Conclusions

Sexual desire changes. fluctuates, and during pregnancy it can shift a bit more than usual. But that doesn’t mean sexual intimacy is over. It simply means it’s time to explore new ways of experiencing sexuality, as long as there is mutual consent from both partners. Listening to and supporting your partner, feeling heard, and building a new shared reality together are all part of embracing the journey into parenthood.

Sources

Barranquero Gómez, M., & Rodrigo, A. . (2024, 6 marzo). Sexo tras el parto: ¿hay pérdida de libido en el posparto? Reproducción Asistida ORG. https://www.reproduccionasistida.org/perdida-de-libido-en-el-posparto/

Calva, E. A., & Álvarez, G. C. (2021). Disfunciones y trastornos sexuales en mujeres en climaterio: pacientes del Instituto Nacional de Perinatología. Revista Colombiana de Ciencias Sociales, 12(2), 563. https://doi.org/10.21501/22161201.3534

De Andrade Alvarenga, W., Da Conceição Silva Castro Sousa, M., De Sales, J. K. L., Neris, R. R., DeMontigny, F., & Nascimento, L. C. (2024). Elements of fatherhood involved in the gestational period: a scoping review. Revista Brasileira de Enfermagem, 77(1). https://doi.org/10.1590/0034-7167-2023-0029

Fernández-Carrasco, F. J., Batugg-Chaves, C., Ruger-Navarrete, A., Riesco-González, F. J., Palomo-Gómez, R., Gómez-Salgado, J., Diaz, L. R., Vázquez-Lara, M. D., Fagundo-Rivera, J., & Vázquez-Lara, J. M. (2024). Influence of Pregnancy on Sexual Desire in Pregnant Women and Their Partners: Systematic Review. Public Health Reviews, 44. https://doi.org/10.3389/phrs.2023.1606308

Leahy‐Warren, P., Philpott, L., Elmir, R., & Schmied, V. (2022). Fathers’ perceptions and experiences of support to be a parenting partner during the perinatal period: A scoping review. Journal Of Clinical Nursing, 32(13-14), 3378-3396. https://doi.org/10.1111/jocn.16460

Peña, M. C., & Blanco, M. G. (2016). Función y patrón sexual: características y evolución durante el embarazo. Revista de Obstetricia y Ginecología de Venezuela, 76(3), 232-247. http://ve.scielo.org/pdf/og/v76n3/art03.pdf

Premberg, Å., Hellström, A., & Berg, M. (2008). Experiences of the first year as father. Scandinavian Journal Of Caring Sciences, 22(1), 56-63. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6712.2007.00584.x

World Health Organization: WHO. (2019). Salud sexual. https://www.who.int/es/health-topics/sexual-health#tab=tab_2