The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm Control

Written by: Andrés Suro



Time to read 10 min

Orgasm control is a sexual skill thanks to which men, in a totally voluntary way, can decide when they want to ejaculate while having sex. Men can length, shorten the time until achieving the climax moment, and deepening the time, even if they do not ejaculate.

One reason men want to control their ejaculation is to enjoy sex longer. However, many men postpone ejaculation to increase the intensity of the orgasm. Here we will find out if it is possible to control the ejaculation, the orgasm, and the keys around it. 

At the end of this article, download the PDF of the Definitive Guide to Ejaculatory Control for FREE.

Is it possible to control ejaculation? Can men control their orgasm?

According to many experts, the so-called ejaculatory control is a skill that men must take into account in order to maintain optimal sexual health and well-being. By maintaining this control, men take control over their own bodies, and over their impulses, and they will be the ones who decide how to enjoy sex and how long it will last.

The mind plays a very important role in being able to obtain optimal ejaculatory control – it’s very much the command center. But a man’s body also has different physical mechanisms that come into play and allow the ejaculatory reflex. In simple words, for an ejaculatory reflex to occur, a combination of both physical and mental factors must be present, and the exact moment that ejaculation occurs will depend on the intensity in which these factors combine.

What is the ejaculatory reflex?

The ejaculatory reflex is the involuntary and unconscious response to an external stimulus that causes sexual arousal and causes the release of semen to the outside in a reflex phenomenon.

To understand what this concept is, we must bear in mind that ejaculation depends not only on the level of arousal to which we are exposed but also on the organism’s functions, including the brain’s functioning and its nerve ending. The ejaculatory reflex in men takes place in two phases.

  1. Emission phase: At this stage, the vas deferens, seminal vesicles, and prostate contract ejecting the sperm towards the base of the urethra, causing tension in this region. This step is called the “point of no return”, where the man feels he reaches climax.

  2. The second phase, “ejaculation”: After this, a muscle located around the base of the penis and anus, called the pubococcygeus perineum or PC muscle, contracts through shaking; semen is ejected through the urethral meatus.

Is orgasm the same as ejaculation? How to control your orgasm?

At this point, we can ask ourselves whether control of ejaculation is equivalent to control orgasm.

There’s a common misunderstanding that most people seem to believe – that ejaculation and orgasm are the same thing. Unfortunately, this error only serves to aggravate certain sexual problems that can get in the way of improving the quality of our sex lives.

The reality: orgasm and ejaculation are two different things, and that it’s quite possible for one can occur without the other. In fact, it’s quite common for a man not to experience full sexual pleasure when he ejaculates. And, on the contrary, men can actually experience a full orgasm without even ejaculating.

Let’s summarize these ideas in the following way:

  • Orgasm: Full sexual satisfaction.
  • Ejaculation: Release of semen in a reflex phenomenon.

Experts assume that an orgasm provides a subjective experience of pleasure. There are some experts who lean more towards the theory that the orgasm is bodily pleasure while others would tend to think that it’s something purely mental. So, what’s the best way forward? To seek a perfect balance and affirm that the perfect orgasm is achieved with the help of both physiological and mental elements.

In fact, one of the keys to enhancing the male orgasm is, without a doubt, control over the ejaculatory reflex, as it gives the man control over his own body, which has a direct impact on how and when he wants to feel that pleasure.

Conclusion: orgasm and ejaculation are not the same, one can appear without the other, but it is true that orgasm control and ejaculatory control often go hand in hand. We will now take a look at the process to clarify any doubts.

The process: from orgasm to ejaculation

Understanding the orgasm process is essential if you want to learn how to control it. Remember, there are parts that you have full control over and parts where you cannot influence anything. However, if you know what you can control, you can master it.

Here’s a breakdown of the male orgasm:

1. Excitement

Every orgasm starts with sexual arousal. You experience something that excites you sexually. It can be something you see, hear, feel, smell or even a memory which acts as a trigger for your brain.

For men, arousal makes the brain send a signal to the spongy penile tissue to start filling up with blood. The penis veins then close shut so the blood cannot escape, causing the penis to enlarge and become even more erect. The testicles come closer to the penis as the scrotum tenses towards the body. Finally, you have a full erection.

Additionally, men may receive an erection when the nerve endings of the penis are stimulated. This stimulation becomes a nerve impulse that travels to the effector centers of the spinal cord. Finally, this activates the motor nerves in the body that cause the actual erection.

Depending on the individual and the situation, the whole process can take as little as 5 seconds or as long as 3 minutes.

2. Plateau

Once the penis is at full erection and sexual arousal reaches its peak, the whole body prepares for the orgasm. Both blood pressure and heart rate increase, and the muscles around the penis tense.

This is when a pre-ejaculatory fluid may start to flow out the prostatic urethra, which is underneath your bladder. It then travels down to reach your penile urethra and gets expelled by the penis. This “pre-cum” acts as a lubricant for both the urethra and the vaginal canal and may contain semen.

3. Orgasm

Once sexual arousal reaches its peak, the actual orgasm begins. The orgasm itself is divided into two phases. The first phase is called “emission”, where the semen gets deposited in the urethra. This signals the start of the ejaculation process and is the point of no return.

This point of no return, or “orgasmic inevitability”, is when your body loses all control over stopping the orgasm. You can stop the sexual stimuli, or even fall of the bed; nothing is stopping you from preventing the second phase.

The second phase, “ejaculation”, refers to the actual discharge of semen. During this phase, the muscles of the pelvic floor contract in a pulsating rhythm, propelling semen out of the penis until no semen is left.

4. Resolution

Once the ejaculation is completed, the penile veins will open again, releasing the blood back into the body. This causes an immediate decrease of about half of the erection strength.

The pelvic floor muscles also relax and the rest of the erection soon fades – accompanied by feelings of lethargy. This is followed by a refractory period during which you cannot get another erection.

With young individuals, the refractory period usually lasts less than 15 minutes. In older individuals, these periods of time increase to several hours and may even take a full day!

Occasionally, men with premature ejaculation do not even lose their erection after ejaculation or face refractory periods of just a few seconds. This allows them to continue with a second “round” almost immediately, which can sometimes last longer.

Benefits of Orgasm Control

Orgasm control can give you a better understanding of your body, more confidence in bed and better orgasms. Here’s how:

  • Can help you with Premature Ejaculation (PE): Better ejaculation control can help you avoid premature ejaculation. By getting familiar with your own body, you’ll be able to prevent and delay your own climax.

  • Can make sex more pleasurable: Sexual performance anxiety is a major issue for many individuals, especially when having sex with a partner for the first time. The anxiety can sometimes lead to premature ejaculation for men – which can increase feelings of sexual frustration. However, if you can control when you achieve your orgasm, you can totally focus on enjoying the sexual experience.

  • Can give you intense orgasms: Orgasm control allows you to build up the intensity of your orgasms before climaxing. This can result in a far more pleasurable experience for you and your partner. Moreover, orgasm control is a better technique to heighten your sexual tension than orgasm denial or edging (which can cause men to lose their erection with higher frequency, especially if they suffer from PE).

  • Can help both partners reach orgasm: When enjoying a healthy sex life, partners may want to orgasm during sex at the same time. However, ensuring climax for both partners can sometimes be difficult during heterosexual sex, because the male orgasm usually takes less time than the female orgasm. Most men take an average of 4 minutes to ejaculate and peaking for women can take up to 7 minutes. Read about post about climaxing at the same time to reach the orgasm together.

How can I control ejaculation? 5 Techniques To Practice Orgasm Control

How to cum control? There are multiple ways to achieve better orgasm control. Here are the most popular and the most effective techniques:


MYHIXEL is a scientifically proven methodology designed specifically to help you control your ejaculation. It combines a revolutionary mobile app with a penile stimulation device to help you master your own orgasm.

With MYHIXEL , you’ll be able to train yourself to last longer, wherever you want. Developed in collaboration with the   Murcian Sexology Institute , it mixes the experience of doctors and sexologists with cutting-edge technology.

You may also be interested in the following article:  Analysis of MYHIXEL as a solution for Ejaculatory ControlAdditionally, this method is completely natural and has no side effects

2. Start – Stop Method

The ‘Start-Stop‘ method is very simple. When you feel you’re on the brink of orgasm, you or your partner stop stimulation altogether. Once the feeling has stopped, sexual stimulation can be resumed. You don’t need to stop sex altogether, you can simply change the focus of your sexual activity.

For example, you can begin to tease different erogenous zones until your ejaculation is no longer imminent. However, this only works when you stop before the ‘point of no return‘ where your body takes over and ejaculation is uncontrollable.

Additionally, this technique conditions your body to the situation you’re in. This way, if you practise this during self masturbation, you may not have the same result when having sex with a partner.

3. Squeeze Method

The squeeze method (also called ‘Stop and Squeeze’) was developed back in the 1960s as an improvement on the Start-Stop method. However, since then, there hasn’t been any scientific studies proving the technique’s effectiveness and it can be hard to master.

The squeeze method is the same as the Start-Stop method with a twist, literally. When stopping the stimulation, you or your partner squeeze the area between the shaft and the head of the penis. This causes a more immediate and effective stop to sexual stimulation.

Another significant drawback of this method is the reduction of erection. When squeezing, a little amount of blood is forced out of the penis, slightly diminishing the erection. Although it’s a small change, this can be damaging for men who have a sexual dysfunction or have issues maintaining an erection.

Additionally, the squeeze method is more suited to situations when you’re practicing masturbation or indulging in oral sex instead of sexual intercourse.

4. Creams, Sprays, Condoms…

Penises are very sensitive, so a simple way to control your own orgasm is by decreasing their sensitivity. With a topical treatment to numb sensations, you can stay more focused and delay your own orgasm. These can come in the form of a cream, lube or spray that’s applied directly on your penis before using a condom.

You can also find specialized thicker condoms that are made to reduce sensations. Some may already have a desensitizing agent to gently numb your penis during sexual intercourse.

This may seem like a simple solution, but it’s not perfect. A huge drawback is the reduction of your own sexual pleasure. Remember, it desensitizes your sexual organs – you won’t be able to feel as much pleasure as you usually do during sex. Additionally it could decrease the quality of your erection.

In addition, these numbing agents can numb your partner’s erogenous zones. Be it the penis head, clitoris or vulva – they can be numbed – making it harder for them to climax.

Additionally, it’s not a permanent ejaculation control solution. Once you stop using it, it’s effectiveness fades immediately. By getting used to less sensation, your lack of ejaculation control can worsen when full sensation is reestablished.

5. Trying different positions

Another simple and fun way of practicing orgasm control is by changing your sexual position. Some positions, like spooning or side-to-side, can help men last longer.

You may also be interested in the following article: 5 Sexual Positions for Men to enjoy Better Sex

The downside to this is that it does nothing to actually slow down your orgasm – it just gives you a break to cool down. Additionally, constantly changing sex positions can ruin the natural flow of a sexual experience.

Conclusion: You decide when to reach climax

Ejaculatory control is possible, beneficial and within everyone’s reach, and that’s how it should be! Gels, condoms or pills, can be a remedy to delay orgasm but always only temporarily, besides bringing side effects. Today there are solutions like MYHIXEL that allow you to enjoy, explore and maintain complete control in a natural way while enjoying sex.

Andrés Suro

Author: Andrés Suro  (Sexual Coach at MYHIXEL)

Psychologist specialized in the social area and expert in sexology applied to education.