Male loneliness: how to build support networks to feel more connected

Loneliness is a universal human experience, but when I talk to men in my practice, I often notice a clear pattern: many struggle to acknowledge it. Not because they don't feel it, but because culturally we have been taught to see it as a sign of ‘weakness’.

Although loneliness is something everyone experiences at different stages of life, when we talk about male loneliness, it is often a learned loneliness. You may wonder: how do you “learn” to feel alone? 

That’s when that old phrase you probably heard growing up echoes in your mind: “A real man doesn’t need help. If you want something to work, you have to fix it yourself.”

Growing older and ending up alone

The result is clear: generations of men who, upon reaching adulthood, find themselves with superficial bonds, little emotional intimacy, and a persistent sense of not being truly connected to others, even when surrounded by people.

In fact, according to a study by Harvard University (2021), adult men report significantly higher levels of loneliness than women, especially after the age of 35. If we analyze this in depth, it coincides with stages of life where friendships tend to disperse due to work, relationships, or parenthood, leaving few spaces of real trust. It is as if men do not cultivate or nurture their support networks and simply let themselves drift.

Consequences of male loneliness on mental and physical health

One of the biggest taboos for many men is still asking for help or showing vulnerability. It is not just a question of pride, but of socialization: from childhood, many have learned that expressing emotions is synonymous with losing control or being less masculine.

This “emotional rigidity” has a cost: male loneliness affects both mental and physical health. A study by Lear and Dorstyn (2024) shows that a lack of social support is associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, insomnia, and cognitive decline.

As therapists, we see this in men who seek help when they already feel overwhelmed: with symptoms of chronic stress, irritability, feelings of emptiness, or loss of purpose. Some even come to therapy because of pressure from their partners or loved ones, as they are unable to recognize or accept that they need help. What often underlies this is a lack of emotional connection and complicity with others.

As a psychologist and sexologist, I want you to take away a very clear message: asking for support is not a weakness, it’s a sign of maturity. It means recognizing your own limits and opening yourself up to a more humane and healthy way of being in the world.

Bonds between men: more necessary than ever

For decades, the model of male friendship has revolved around camaraderie, humor, or shared interests. These are essential elements in building a bond, but one key piece is often missing: emotional intimacy. Many men can spend years sharing moments with friends without ever talking about how they really feel. It's not a whim, it's a necessity.

That's why, in order to change this basic aspect of friendship, it's necessary to strengthen support networks among men because, once again, emotional connection does not take away from your masculinity; if anything, it enhances it.

Several studies confirm that men with strong social networks have lower levels of stress and depression (Umberson & Montez, 2010). Simply feeling heard and understood regulates the nervous system and boosts self-esteem.

The fact is that genuine bonds between men act as a kind of emotional pillar as well as a source of shared identity. That is why it is often so essential to create spaces where people can talk without judgment, whether with friends, in therapy, or in support groups.

Modern loneliness: hyperconnected, but distant

We might assume social media has brought us closer than ever, but paradoxically, it has also intensified isolation: many people have replaced face-to-face conversations with digital interaction: a “like,” a quick message, or a WhatsApp group. These resources, although useful, give a false sense of connection.

Therefore, if we return to the concept of ‘male loneliness’ as it applies to the digital age, we see how it has become even more silent, hidden behind screens. It’s not visible—but it’s felt deeply through discouragement, insomnia, or lack of motivation.

Let's be clear: relationships maintained through social media are a point of contact, but we cannot allow them to replace physical presence, affection, or contact with our loved ones. I am referring to meeting up with a friend to talk without distractions and share concerns and worries.

Examples of support networks that work

Rebuilding a support network doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s entirely possible. If you’ve never asked for help or confided in a friend, here are some steps I usually suggest in therapy:

1. Identify the people in your life who make you feel safe. I'm talking about those with whom you feel free to be yourself, without fear of judgment.

2. Learn to communicate from a place of vulnerability. Instead of always responding with the classic “everything's fine,” dare to say “lately, I've been feeling a bit down.” It's the first step toward creating real closeness.

3. Cultivate consistency. Relationships need care. Send that message, suggest meeting up, reconnect with people you miss. Connection is nourished by small gestures that don't cost much.

4. Find spaces where you can share your concerns with other men. It's usually very positive to sign up for workshops or sports activities, which are a great starting point.

5. If you find it difficult, seek professional support. Starting a therapeutic process will help you identify your blockages and learn new ways to connect.

Loneliness and purpose: regaining a sense of belonging

Overcoming unwanted male loneliness means regaining a sense of belonging. In other words, feeling that you are part of something—a community, a group, a project—to foster and enhance your self-esteem.

The purpose does not always have to be very ambitious. As I mentioned earlier, sometimes it is found in small things: a group of friends who meet weekly, volunteering, or a shared hobby... Anything goes.

Male identity must become more flexible to embrace empathy and sensitivity as strengths, not flaws. When men allow themselves to be more authentic, they also become freer.

At MYHIXEL, we want to inspire you to take the steps that bring you closer to yourself and to others to strengthen your relationships and create new, meaningful connections. This Singles’ Day, we’re sharing a small gesture with you: 11% off with the code SELF11. to remind you that you’re not alone in taking care of your intimate well-being.

Breaking the stigma: asking for help is also taking care of yourself

Fortunately, more and more men are breaking the taboo of loneliness and turning to therapy to learn how to relate to others in a different way. Psychological help is not reserved for times of crisis: it can also be a tool for growth and self-knowledge. Don't wait until you're at your lowest point to ask for help.

Simply talking about how you feel, naming it, and sharing it can relieve a huge burden. You’re not alone because you feel lonely. You’re alone because you haven’t been taught how to connect differently. But you can learn, and doing so will improve your well-being on all levels.

Have you ever felt that disconnect? Share your experience or explore more articles about male well-being on our sexual health blog.

References

• Harvard Study of Adult Development. (2021). The secret to happiness revealed: Relationships keep us healthy and happy throughout life. The Harvard Gazette.

• Lear, J. T., & Dorstyn, D.-S. (2024). Moderators of loneliness and mental health in men: A systematic review with meta-analysis.Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 25(3), 252–263. https://doi.org/10.1037/men0000481 

• Umberson, D., & Montez, J. K. (2010). Social relationships and health: a flashpoint for health policy. Journal of health and social behavior, 51 Suppl(Suppl), S54–S66. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022146510383501